Best Practice: Use First Person Plural

Quick grammar lesson:

1st person singular: "I..."
2nd person singular: "You...."
3rd person singular: "He/She..."

1st person plural: "We..."
2nd person plural: "You..."
3rd person plural: "They..."

A general observation about people's perception of our communication style:

• 1st person singular is arrogant and boring. Watch people's eyes glaze over when you say "I this" and "I that".
• 2nd person is nagging. People tend to get defensive and raise their guard when they hear "You this" and "You that". It can also make you seem to be astute and all-knowing.
• 3rd person is gossip. Be careful when you talk about others. If you say something critical or mean, you're an evil gossip. If you say something nice, make sure you're sincere!
• 1st person plural is a great tool for earning collective buy-in for whatever you have to say. When I work with a customer I usually adopt "we" immediately, so they see me as a one of the team, a member of the family, someone who has the same skin in the game that they do. It can help you avoid consultant/contractor alienation.

Best Practice: Localize

One fateful trip to Cleveland several years ago, I learned a difficult lesson: people don't like it when you make fun of the place they live. Even if they live in a city that was once so polluted that the river caught on fire.

Since then, I've tried to err on the other extreme when working at a client away from where I live - I try to learn things about the location I'm working in, and talk about their sports teams, local government, news headlines, etc., as though I was a long-term resident. This diverts attention from the fact that I'm a contractor or consultant, and people tend to be more open and cooperative with me.

I now do this when public speaking, teaching, around the office, and in settings away from the office.

Best Practice of the Day: Make the Sweetest Sound

Selfishness is primal for human beings, and selflessness must be learned and practiced. Therefore, you can't go wrong catering to anyone's selfish needs!


Years ago I learned from Dale Carnegie that the sweetest sound in anyone's language is their own name. The easiest 'trick' in getting someone to like you is to remember their name, and to use it! When talking with someone, I often make a game out of trying to say their name a minimum of 3 times during the conversation - without sounding contrived or unnatural.



I also carry a 3x5 card and write the name of each new person I meet. When I next see that person at a meeting or in the hallway, I greet them with their name. When you do this, watch their face light up! They may be thinking, "Wow, he went to the trouble of remembering my name! I wish I had remembered his!"

Best Practice of the Day: Empathy

At least 3/4 of my success as a consultant can be attributed to one concept: Empathy.

I try to practice empathy with every communication (verbal or written) with everyone about everything. By considering how what I plan to communicate will be received by the other party, more often than not, I'll rewrite the script before delivery.

Biblical Empathy: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. (The Golden Rule)"

Sales Empathy: "Would I buy this if I were him listening to me?"

Parental Empathy: "How did I feel when my Father gave this same speech to me?"

Cashier Empathy: "What a sucky job that must be. What can I say that will make her forget her tired feet and feel good about herself for the next 10 minutes?"

And the list goes on.... you get the idea though.

Oh yeah, and for Empathy to work, you must expect nothing in return. Most people can see through contrived (phony) empathy.

Let's try the opposite

For years I've kept numerous 3x5 cards with ideas. Ideas for books and articles I want to write, businesses I want to start, and inventions I want to create. I have closely guarded them so I can keep them to myself. The ink is fading on several of them, and others have been lost destroyed. Ideas wasted.

So get ready. I'm the last one to the Blog dance, and I'm ready to start posting my ideas to the public domain, hoping to see something come of them.

So does anyone really read this stuff?